Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
