Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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