You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
