Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
