I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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