How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wanna go halves on a baby?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
