Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
