i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
