therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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