He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
