he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
