I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
