i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
