i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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