Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
