To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
