grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i think im in europe. pls send help
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
