you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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