Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
