I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
