i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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