You're earring is so big in my mouth
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
