Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
