he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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