Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
