went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
