One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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