I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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