Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
