3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
