im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
