She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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