I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
