I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
