I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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