dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
