"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
