Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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