my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
