Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
