um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
