i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
