I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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