why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
