i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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