Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
