that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
