Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
