Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
