I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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