we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
