Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
