I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
