I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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