i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she looked like the before picture.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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